Ordering The Family Rightly

Toward A Proper Ordering of Christian Families

The Husband as the Primary Theological Teacher of the Household

The family is the most foundational unit in the world creating either order and structure or disorder and chaos. All ills, therefore, can be traced back to a failure in the family during the raising of children. This is because, in scripture, we are given three fundamental commands and promises:

Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it

Ephesians 6:4 – And you, fathers, do no provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord

Hebrews 12:8-11 - ..if you are without chastening...then you are illegitimate and not sons...now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it

It is evident from these alone that God Almighty has set a course for the rearing of children, and has promised that if it followed the results are all but conclusive. To that end God has established a covenantal order within the home, entrusting the husband with the responsibility to serve in the capacity of prophet, priest, and king of his household (Ephesians 5:23–24; 1 Corinthians 11:3). With these roles comes essential duties and among those duties is the central duty of theological instruction—guiding his family in the knowledge of God, His Word, and the proper worship and obedience that flows from it.

1. The Husband as Prophet

As prophet, the husband is called to teach the Word of God faithfully to his wife and children. This instruction is not an optional duty, neither is it informal, or passive—it is a covenantal duty that reflects the prophetic office of Christ: “The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet like me from among you” (Deut. 18:15). In the home, the husband fulfills this office by:

• Leading family worship, bible readings, and discussion

• Explaining Scripture in a way conducive to the constitution of his family with a covenantal framework centered on Christ

• Correcting misunderstandings or false doctrine (2 Timothy 3:16–17)

• Sanctifying his wife with the word (Ephesians 5:26)

This role safeguards the family from error and ensures that the household’s spiritual formation is rooted in God’s truth. Should roles be reversed, where the wife teaches the husband, the all sorts of disorder will ensue (1 Corinthians 14:35).

2. The Husband as Priest

The priestly role involves representing the people to God; mediating on their behalf; leading the family in prayer, confession, and worship (Hebrews 13:15–16). The husband intercedes for his wife and children (1 Peter 3:7; Job 1:5), cultivating a home where the gospel is preached not only by word but also by example. In doing so, he mirrors Christ, who continually presents His people before the Father (Romans 8:34).

3. The Husband as King

As king, the husband governs and rules his household with loving authority, guiding decisions in a way that honors God and protects the spiritual and temporal welfare of the family (Ephesians 5:25–29). His rule is Christlike, a gracious and loving monarchy—serving, protecting, and providing for his family while maintaining spiritual rule and oversight (Ephesians 5:24; Titus 2:4-5; 1 Corinthians 14:34-35).

The Necessity of Husbands as Theological Teachers

A husband’s theological leadership is vital because:

• It Protects the Family from Error: Private theological study by family members without direct oversight risks embracing false teaching or misinterpretation (Colossians 2:8; 2 Timothy 3:6).

• It Maintains Covenant Order: God’s design places authority and teaching responsibility in the husband. Submission by the wife and obedience by the children reflect this divine order (Ephesians 5:22–24, 6:1–4; 1 Corinthians 14:35).

• It Models Christ to the Family: The husband demonstrates gospel leadership through teaching, prayer, and loving discipline, cultivating a household that mirrors Christ and His Church (1 Corinthians 11:1–3).

Practical Implications

• The husband should lead regular family worship, including Bible reading, catechism, prayer, and singing.

• He should review theological questions with his wife and children, ensuring all instruction aligns with Scripture and the Reformed confessions and is vetted by himself.

• He is responsible for equipping his household to discern truth from error, training them to walk in the fear of the Lord (Deut. 6:6–7; Proverbs 22:6).

• His wife and children ought not be seeking theological education outside their husband and father and their local pastor(s).

• Should the husband need assistance in any particular area of doctrine or life he ought to seek the instruction of his elders so that he may be better equipped to serve and lead his family.

In fulfilling this role, the husband ensures that the household grows in covenantal faithfulness, that the wife’s submission is rightly ordered, and that children are nurtured in the knowledge and love of God. The home becomes a miniature church, where the gospel is lived, taught, and celebrated under Christlike leadership.

A Reformed Understanding of a Wife’s Submission to Her Husband

What is very likely to be an objection from the above considerations is the expectation that a husband be the one to whom a wife and children submit all their doctrinal learning to. There will be objections ranging from this being a display of chauvinism and hyper patriarchy to this being unfair to women who have a greater doctrinal thirst and ability than their husbands. But alas, this is what God has divinely taught in his infallible word. Be that as it may, it is still crucial to understand in greater detail the role of a wife to her husband, so that she may direct her path toward fidelity in Christ.

Scripture commands wives to submit to their husbands in everything, just as the church submits to Christ (Ephesians 5:22–24). This submission is not optional, cultural, or secondary; it has not fizzled away because our understanding of society and the family have “changed”—it is a covenantal reality designed by God for the flourishing of the family and the glory of Christ. Deviation from this, however slight, will always result in ruin. The husband, as the head of the household, bears the weighty responsibility to love, lead, and shepherd his wife and children according to God’s Word (Ephesians 5:25–28). In the divine ordering of the home, the wife’s submission is necessary to safeguard the unity, peace, and spiritual health of the household. Without her willful and complete submission to everything her husband commands that is in keeping with God’s word, there will be every kind of disorder and sin.

A key aspect of this submission is learning and receiving spiritual instruction from her husband and from faithful pastors. Scripture repeatedly emphasizes the responsibility of men to teach and guard the truth within the covenant community (1 Timothy 3:4–5, 12; Titus 2:3–5). When a wife seeks theological instruction independently of her husband or outside of faithful, pastoral oversight, she risks (and often precipitates) several dangers:

• Doctrinal Error: Without the accountability of a God-fearing husband and church leaders, one may adopt teachings that are false or heterodox, subtly undermining the faith of the household (Colossians 2:8).

• Division in the Household: Independent theological learning that contradicts or bypasses the husband’s leadership (as well as church leadership) will lead to discord, confusion, and even spiritual rebellion in the home and church (1 Corinthians 11:3; 1 Peter 3:1–6).

• Neglect of God-Ordained Order: God has established a God-glorifying order in the covenant family. When a wife disregards this order, even with noble intentions, she risks disrupting the harmony designed to reflect Christ and His Church (Genesis 3:16; Ephesians 5:22–24).

• Disunity and Lack of Growth: When a wife engages in theological instruction outside her husband she disrupts the natural and God-designed way of familial unity and growth. If she has questions she is to ask her husband (1 Corinthians 14:34). If he does not know the answer he is to go to his elders for that answer (Ephesians 4:11-14). He is then to go back to his wife so that they may both be built up together.

• Unbiblical Application: As a wife learns doctrine outside God’s ordained channels she will inevitably attempt to apply her learning to real life. However, because her design is that of helping, not leading, her application will always be inaccurate and inappropriate (1 Peter 3:7).

Practical Implications:

• Wives should honor their husbands by engaging in theological study in partnership with them—reading Scripture together, discussing doctrinal questions, and applying pastoral counsel.

• In matters where a husband is lacking in understanding, the wife should pray for him, and see if he would be willing to seek the guidance of faithful pastors; she should not submit to the theological teaching of other men outside her husband or pastors. Her primary theological nourishment ought to flow through those God has placed as shepherds of the flock.

• Submission does not negate personal responsibility for growth in godliness but channels it through the God-ordained structures of the home and Church, not podcasts or books.

In summary, a wife’s submission is not obedience for the sake of obedience; it’s also not a form of diminishment of her value; it is a protective and nurturing covenantal principle for the honor of her husband, to guard against division, and prevent covenantal usurpation. By receiving instruction from her husband she is recognizing him as her lord (1 Peter 3:6) which is good and right. By listening to the teaching of her faithful pastors she preserves the spiritual unity of the home and church. By humbling herself and being content with this instruction she guards herself against error, and participates in a God-glorifying pattern of covenant life that reflects the relationship of Christ and His Church, for just as the church goes nowhere but to her Lord, so too, a wife is to go nowhere but to her lord.